“I Wish You Good Health”

*Because . . . my sister let me know her disappointment that the last post (about On Time Arrival) ended without revealing the actual toast that was given at that first wedding reception. Her perspective pointed out what I hadn’t seen because my recollection focused entirely on other parts of the story. However, her point of view sparked more memories and stirred up more gratitude for experiences that worked into me a learning, penetrating deeply into the fibers of who I am.

A Kyrgyz friend once explained that in Central Asia toasts are where you not only give wishes but also share your life philosophy (worldview) through stories, anecdotes, poems and sometimes a well-delivered joke. There’s no Hallmark store in Kazakhstan and, generally speaking, there aren’t any gift cards. Instead there are toasts – there is the obligation or privilege (depending on how you think of it) to speak your wishes and thoughts for others out loud – rather than wishes printed on paper that you are required to pay for and purchase on special occasions.

Though certainly not the main point, it is worth pointing out that some local friends view toasts as providing a reason for drinking – wine, beer, sometimes vodka and other times even home-brewed concoctions. Then there are many women’s gatherings or office celebrations where toasting involves drinks like juice and soda, and even sometimes tea.

Whether having a glass of wine is your thing or not, holding a glass of something in your hand simply creates a backdrop for the words that go out to encourage people’s hearts, sharpen or expand minds, calm spirits or set a room to laughter. The art of giving toasts is honestly an admirable skill to appreciate, creating an impressive depth and openness - integral to the fabric of everyday life and cultural norms in Kazakhstan.

Growing up in Kazakhstan, children, even those who are very young, memorize well-known and traditional poems and stories or anecdotes and recite them regularly at every school event or concert. These growing up experiences not only help to prepare them for the regular occurrence of public speaking, but also provide them much fodder for recalling lines of poetry or folklore to smooth out and round out a well-crafted toast, which makes a fine gift to those being toasted as well as dutifully impressing everyone present.

All of this means that coming in as a foreigner you will be ill-prepared for the spotlight you are given at any birthday parties, wedding receptions or special holiday celebrations to which you are invited to attend. At first it will be entertaining and inspiring to watch with admiration as toast after toast is delivered with such a sense of ordinary eloquence. But all too soon it will be your turn, and before you know it you will be on your feet holding a glass in the air, wishing you had paid more careful attention and somehow been better prepared. You will be next time. Even though there is some grace for foreigners and their standard flub-ups, you are determined to learn more of the language and culture, out of respect for them and for yourself.

As you learn the language better and have more experience with toasting, you begin to understand and pick up on some of the cultural cues and nuances. You will be eternally grateful for those who become dear friends, inviting you to dinner and birthday parties in their homes, providing important lessons in how toasting really works.

Typically, everyone gathers at the table to enjoy a long, celebratory meal that revolves around toasting, which means one person, often the host, assumes the role of Tamada and is responsible for determining precisely when and who gives the next toast, in what order. Usually, the oldest in the group is designated to begin the rounds of toasting. Again, with time and experience, you begin to anticipate whose toast will be the most standard, whose will make you laugh, whose has the potential to bring tears to your eyes, and whose will be the longest. But for sure, everyone’s toast will most certainly include wishes for success and happiness, but always, absolutely “a wish for good health.” Wrapping it all up, usually after hours of sitting around the table, the person being celebrated gives the final toast, thanking everyone for attending, imparting the last wishes, and as always finishing it off with “and most of all, I wish you good health.”

For really special occasions like wedding receptions where you may have the privilege of taking the spotlight in the middle of a large reception hall (quite literally in many cases), the responsibility of presenting a well-crafted toast can be overwhelming. If you can do it in the local language, all the better for impressing the other guests – a beautiful present to give the celebrated honorees.

Unlike your first experiences at dinner and birthday parties, you’re determined to plan ahead and come prepared, taking the time to write out your thoughts and wishes on a small piece of paper that can easily fit into your pocket. Remember that toasts are an opportunity to share your life philosophy through stories or anecdotes that underscore your wishes or through well-known poetry to deliver a meaningful blessing.

Because you’re a foreigner, you usually have the option of delivering your toast in your own language and asking someone to translate it into the local language. However, it’s a much better gift to make your own attempt to deliver your toast in the local language yourself, even if you have to read from the now crumpled up and dampened piece of paper you’ve had stuffed in your pocket all evening.

So when you hear the Tamada call your name, you know it’s your turn to take your place center stage and give your toast. With the driving techno-beat turned down low in the background, you read the words you’ve practiced hoping the sounds that feel so foreign on your tongue come across much more clearly than you fear:

“We are very grateful for your friendship – thankful that God brought our paths together – thankful for your friendship. It is a privilege to be here this evening. Thank you! Congratulations to the two of you on beginning this new chapter of your life together. Starting out is always exciting, but we pray that God will bless and continue to grow and deepen your love for one another, just as God says in the Bible: ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.’ May God bless you and keep you always.”

You will know how much your gift has meant as the bride throws her arms around you and squeezes you tight and then the bridegroom vigorously shakes your hand – you are sincerely hoping it’s because your genuine feelings came through even if your heartfelt words weren’t delivered perfectly in this newly learned art of toasting.